To Dylan,

I’m sorry that you and your brothers had to see me go through my grief when Dad walked out on us. I’m sorry that I withdrew and wasn’t myself for several years. To say that my heart was broken is an understatement. I’m sorry that you were stuck in an abusive relationship for so many years. I was helpless watching you go through that.

I don’t know how much pain you’re in from all that trauma, but I know you’re taking it out on me. I’m not perfect, but I tried being there for you and doing anything you asked and everything I thought would help you in any way. I tried so hard to start to heal the relationship between us. Everything I did wasn’t good enough. My words were twisted into things I didn’t mean. My actions I did in love were viewed as attacks.

I’ve reached out to you and Haley in love so many times just to be disrespected. I’ve acknowledged any mistakes and misunderstandings and apologized for every action I’ve ever done. I’ve begged you and Haley to tell me what I done that has offended you.

People, especially family aren’t replaceable. You have a mother who would cut out her own heart and bend over backwards to help you in any way. There is no one on this earth who loves you more. But I am exhausted and so defeated. I don’t know what else I can do. You are punishing me and your children of the loving relationship we have. You are hurting us.

You’ve blocked me on every form of communication. You’re making no effort to have any conversation to work towards an understanding. So I’ve made a decision to wait for you and you alone to reach out to me.

The only solace I have is writing in the kid’s online blogs and hoping that they’ll read them and be old enough to reach out to me soon. I can only dream of the day I’m reunited with them.

I love you Dylan. I’m not mad at you. I hold nothing against you as I know that you’re going through something I don’t understand. Reach out to me when you can and I will be waiting to see you again.